Friday, October 23, 2015

Sexyween IV

When you think about October, the following things probably come to mind:
  • Crunchy red, yellow and purple leaves underfoot.
  • Warm, autumnal themed coffee beverages. 
  • Pumpkins, candy corn, scary movies, candy corn, chocolate, corn mazes, more candy corn.
  • A grown woman dressed like a bottle of Heinz Yellow Mustard.


Right? It's finally that time of the year! It's Halloween! 

Now I'm not going to talk to you about silly costumes this year like the "Sexy Pizza Rat" costume 
or the Sexy "What Color is the Dress?" costume.

No. Like I said, those are silly. 
I am going to talk to you about real costumes. Serious costumes. Like...

"Michael Jackson"
It's bad. It's bad. You know it. 


"Nerd"
Look at this total nerd! She is so nerdy with her glasses and her knee socks! 
She even has tape on her glasses because nerds are always 
breaking their glasses straight down the middle like that. 
Ha ha! Stupid nerd!


"Hot Dog"
What? Stop yelling you guys! It's me! Lori! I'm a hot dog! 
You probably don't recognize me because I'm dressed like a hot dog in this hot dog costume!


"Cowgirl"
Yee-haw? This is just confusing. 
Who's hands are those? Is she half cowgirl half Barbra Streisand in 
The Owl and the Pussycat? Does anyone else get that reference?
Is a man who is invisible except for his hands getting frisky with her? What is happening?


"Nurse"
Sometimes, you just need a good nurse. 
A good, nice nurse.
A good, nice, bloody nurse from the MENTAL WARD.


"Barista"
She is a barista babe who works at a coffee chain 
that shall remain nameless that is not Starbucks. 


"Hulk Hogan"
HULKAMANIA. MOUSTACHES. 
I have nothing further to say about this.


"Pirate"
Look at this filthy pirate. 
She probably has scurvy from not eating her vegetables.


"Gumby"
This Gumby costume is just like the real Gumby
 complete with headband that makes half a Gumby come out of your head, 
a Gumby face on a small, green dress 
and white opera gloves/thigh high stockings.
She's Gumby, dammit!


"Bottle of Wine"
I am wine because it says I am wine on my costume. 
I am from "Le Vineyard" which is French for "The Vineyard."
Also, there are grapes pointing to my vagina because it's Halloween.


"Yoda"
Wear teeny-tiny underpants to the party, you will.


"Donna T. Rumpshaker"
 As the hat says on this clever costume, you can "Make America Great" in this 
white sleeveless shirt, red tie and royal blue booty shorts.
USA! USA


However and whatever you decide to do this year for Halloween, please keep it sexy people.

And if you want to keep it super-sexy, why not pair up with a buddy? Your friend can be "Hot Fries" or this years "Hot Dog" (like me! Pictured in the above photo! With the double ear infection! I'm feeling better now, thanks!) 
You know what to do. 

She is a hamburger. What do you want from her.
Happy Halloween 

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