Friday, October 17, 2014

Sexyween 3-D.

autumn! 
HaLlOwEeN
SEXY TIMES!!!

This is my third annual Sexyween post -- another year down and once again according to my blogger statistics my most popular posts have been about my favorite holiday, Halloween! Hooray!!!

And...once again...I don't think it's the fact that the general public and I share a love of the best holiday ever. 

According to the traffic sources where I see what people have typed in to bring them to my bIog, I know for a fact that it's mostly not "'old school Halloween parties" "pumpkin candles" or "candy corn." Nope.

It's more things like "pink highlighter sexy girl" or "beautiful girl in straitjacket" -- and thank God people are finally searching for "sexy hamburger." Thanks Google!

This year is going to be especially tough for me, deciding which of these clever, flattering, ridiculously overpriced costumes I should choose.

"Master's Helper"
This is not a Minion from "Despicable Me" costume. 
It's a "One Eyed Master's Helper" costume, maybe from the movie 
"One Eyed Master's Helper"I haven't seen that movie yet. 
Anyway, it's totally not a Sex-Minion.


"Sexy Locked Up Inmate"
I am going to look just like one of the girls from 
"Orange is the new Black" this Halloween! 
I'll look just like Pennsatucky! Or Crazy Eyes! Or Red! 


"Hippie"
Look at this dirty, filthy hippie just back from Woodstock.
Stop protesting things and get a job already! 


"Sexy Ghostbuster"
Bustin' makes me feel good.



"Corn"
You know what I love? Corn. 
Sexy mother-effing corn. 



"Fox"
What does the fox say? 
The fox says this costume costs $98.95. 
Wa-pa-pa-pa-pa-pa-pow! 


"Olaf"
Because, of course.



"Striped Clown"
I'm a striped clown. Hi! I'm waving at you!
Sexy Ronald McWHO? No, I told you I'm a STRIPED CLOWN. 


"Flashdance"
This is like when you were young and your Halloween
costume had a picture of who you were on the front.
Except instead of Mork or Fonzie she is "FLASHDANCE." 
And also this costume is $63.51. 
I. AM. NOT. KIDDING. 


"Fries"
Another example of when your costume says who you are,
except this time it says it on your vagina.

Hey, Hot Fries! You need a friend...

Ahh. There she is.
Sexy Hamburger. The sexy costume I can get behind.
Whaddaya want from me? I'm a hamburger.

So, if you guys have any ideas as to which of these I should choose you know I appreciate your input. Right now I'm leaning towards Flashdance for obvious reasons. Or maybe corn. It's a tough call.

Happy Halloween.