Wednesday, August 27, 2014

Who's afraid of the big bad wolf?

Let me start off by saying that our recent two-night stay at Great Wolf Lodge was totally fun...the water park was awesome, there was a great zip lining/ropes course we all did together, miniature golf and 4D World were great. 

Again, the insane water park is the big draw and the kids had an absolute blast.

Buuut...

The vacation I just had at Great Wolf was by no means a vacation. It was 48 hours of following my 6 and 9 year old back and forth through an enormous hotel, running up and down stairwells with a magic wand, and trudging into the deep end of an overcrowded wave pool to fetch them for the zillionth time.

Oh, and Great Wolf Lodge is weird you guys. It's totally weird. 

Some of the wolves could use a makeover.
Many looked sick, were a little patchy or appeared malnourished like this guy, who greeted us at the entrance. 




An unnatural love of flip-flops.
Flip-flop enthusiasts unite...at Great Wolf Lodge. Because their gift shop is full of flip flop paraphernalia. 
Signs, t-shirts and actual flip-flops. They have the flip-flop fever at Great Wolf.


Pun-ny names.
That kids would not understand and if you're a good parent you will roll your eyes at. 
Somewhere, all five members of Duran Duran and Ozzy Osbourne know something in the universe is not quite right.
 

And this moose just looks terribly confused -- maybe by all that cutlery? Or maybe the fact that adults are coming to his breakfast buffet it their pajamas? Barefoot? Sans bra? And not in a good way? Yeah. That's probably it.



Super weird clocktower show.
In one of the more weird kid "shows" I've ever witnessed, a giant animatronic owl, racoon, moose head, Native American woman and a half of an old-timey kid in a tree stump sing a song about how 
"there's nothing to be scared of." I beg to differ.



Magic Quest.
The boys favorite thing was Magic Quest, this interactive game where you get a 
magic wand that activates characters, pictures, caged creatures, trees trunks and 
bears that hang on a wall with glowing eyes to give you clues to collect different jewels, treasures and
various other magical items.



All of the kids are frantically running around the entire hotel with wild looks in their eyes, knocking over whoever is in their way to get their last piece of gold, scrolls, runes or whatever. The actors on the screens playing the various wizards and faeries were constantly referring to my children as "Magi's" -- "Oh, hello Magi, I didn't see you there" and "Thank you Magi, you've saved us." Huh. This one in a tree stump reminded me of Grace Slick in an old Jefferson Starship video.


Bracelet.
You are tagged and bagged at check-in and cannot take this wristband off until check-out. As a person who takes off her rings and jewelry the second she walks in the door, sleeping with this on was maddening.
I kinda felt like I was in the hospital. The mental kind.


Again, this was a family vacation. The kids had the time of their lives. THE BEST TRIP EVER according to them which thrills me beyond belief. 

You know what else thrills me? That I think I lost weight on vacation from running around so much with those damn wands, that I finally got to cut that thing off my wrist and that I don't have to walk by that "Hungry As A Wolf" restaurant one more time because it kind of made my stomach hurt.

And I while I may not understand the flip-flop fever that inundates the gift shop, I completely understand the need for this in the gift shop.

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