Friday, October 18, 2013

Happy Sexyween - part deux.

I’m pleased to say that my “Sexyween” post from last October was one of the more popular posts I’ve written.

I'd like to think that its popularity is due to my stellar writing and our mutual love of Halloween. 

But according to Google Analytics it’s mostly due to people searching for things like “Sexy Where’s Waldo costume” and “Sponge Bob girl wearing knee socks.”

Whatever works.

This year I searched high and low to bring you the sexiest, sluttiest, stupidest Halloween costumes I could find.

Please enjoy and please, please whatever you do, do not purchase any of the following:

Snow White.
Someday my prince know.

"Miss Scissorhands."
 I do not recall this character from the film.

Sassy Olive Oyl.
Well this one is kinda a sexy nurse, or a sexy cop, right?
A sexy Olive Oyl. A sexy Shelley Duvall-esque Olive Oyl. Yes, this one makes sense.

"Grease Good Sandy."
The costume is actually called "Grease Good Sandy."
I'm so confused, if she's good, then why is she slutty?
And what have they done with "Grease Bad Sandy?" She must be extra-extra-extra slutty. 

Struck by Luck Reversible Leprechaun/Cupid.
Because nothing says Halloween like a Leprechaun costume.
That can change halfway through the evening into a Cupid costume.
That resemble in no way shape or form, a leprechaun or a cupid.

Dumb and Dumber Lloyd Christmas.
Dear Universe,
Please stop ruining things I love, like Jim Carrey in an
orange tuxedo in Dumb and Dumber.
Love, Lori

Sexy Banana.
Oh God, that's one bad case of banana crotch.

Pink Highlighter.
Oh shit. I hope nobody else is a pink highlighter at the big costume party tonight.

This poor model - she's usually in the Sunday circular for JC Penny's but somehow got talked into this gig.
She's clearly not amused and is seconds away from calling her agent.

Zestyville Ketchup.
If I'm going to be a bottle of ketchup for Halloween, it's going to be the
famous ketchup, the ketchup everybody knows and loves - ZESTYVILLE.
One word: Sexchup.

"Aunt Samantha."
There is nothing sexier than a girl-Uncle-Sam on October 31st.

Bert and Ernie.
This is a picture of me and my best friend Laura last Halloween.
We look pretty good, although I can't believe how fat I look, yeesch.

Sexy Leatherface.
The worst. 
Teeny-tiny chainsaw. Stupid look on her face. Leatherface did not have fingerless gloves.
And where's her flesh mask? Jeez, you'd think she'd never seen the movie. 
So I'll keep checking those Blogger stats to see if "Sexy Olive Oyl" or
"Bert and Ernie with boobs" gets me any additional traffic.

I'm a little surprised and disappointed that my "Sexy Hamburger" from last year
didn't get much action.
Keep it sexy this Halloween, you guys.
"I'm a hamburger, what do you want from me?"


  1. How sad is this - Bert and Ernie are rolling over in their puppet outfits.

  2. Hahaa...I'm just going to dress up as a not sexy disgruntled employee

  3. I was browsing about Halloween costume ideas and I found your blog which is quite interesting. I do hope it's okay with you if I pin them on my Pinterest board. Thanks for sharing!