Friday, February 22, 2013

Two weekends at bernie's.

I love the 80's.

As a child of the late 70’s/early 80’s of course - everything was waaaay better back then.

I love my 80's music – Duran Duran, Depeche Mode, New Order.
You can try and argue with me that this was all new wave crap and that the 80's was a terrible decade for music and I will tell you...YOU ARE WRONG!
Because it was my music and I love it.

Today when I realize I listen to an “oldies” station I think being young in the backseat of the car, plugging my ears while my dad listened to doo-wop music and I feel really, really old.

And then I say to hell with it and crank up “Perfect Way” by Scritti Politti.

Movies were also way better, of course.
We had no fancy CGI effects - tell me the Kraken and Medusa in Clash of the Titans with Harry Hamlin weren’t way more believable than the Kraken and Medusa in that new-fangled remake.

I loved those brat-packers, crushed on all of them especially Duckie, Ferris, and Rob Lowe from Class to St. Elmo's Fire.

For the next two weekends I get to be in an 80's movie.

On stage.
I’m doing a stage production of the 1989 smash Weekend at Bernie’s.
And that is awesome.

You know...Weekend at Bernie’s, Andrew McCarthy, Jonathan Silverman and the dead guy, Bernie. They go to his fancy beach house for the weekend and find that Bernie is dead. Then they spend the weekend/entire movie pretending Bernie is alive. They maneuver his corpse like a marionette, he gets thrown out of a boat, off of buildings, and gets lucky.

Siskel and Ebert did not enjoy this movie.
I enjoyed this movie and saw it in the theatre – twice.

I play Tina, Bernie’s girlfriend and I am reliving my love of everything 80's through her.

Makeup – a shitload of black eyeliner, pink rouge and red, red lipstick. Because that all goes together so well. There was no subtlety back then, you did not go light on the lips because you had a lot of eye makeup on, you did it all – like a clown. And it looked good.

Homecoming 1988.

And hair? Let me bust out my goody pick and banana clip – get the Stiff Stuff and the hairdryer, I am ready to go. We had a dress rehearsal last night and it took me a good half-hour to wash out/weed through/re-wash out all that hairspray. I felt sixteen again, it was awesome. I could hear my dad yelling, “Hurry up, you’re using all the hot water, and Jesus Christ, TURN THAT PRINCE TAPE DOWWWWN.”

Wardrobe – in retrospect, what is wrong with shoulder pads? I say nothing. They, along with my giant hair, balance me out beautifully. I get to wear three costumes that each make me look like a linebacker with big boobs and a small waist, thank-you-very-much-costume-designer.

Jewelry is shiny, sparkly, and aplenty – you should be dripping in it. Rhinestones, stacked bracelets on both wrists, rings, multiple earrings - like the make up and the hair, more is better!

So to the haters who hate the music, and the movies, and the fashion, I say - bah!
I was thrilled to put on that make up and those costumes last night, each dress made me squeal.

Made me feel like I should be on a float singing "Danke Schoen."
Or telling a tough stoner dude he better not forget about me after giving him my diamond earring.
Or kissing a really cute boy over a birthday cake in a bridesmaids dress.

They took me straight back to 1989 – senior year, face full of paint, giant hair and shoulders, looking awesome.

Best. Costume. Ever.
Totally awesome.


Thursday, February 14, 2013

To all the boys I've loved before.

Of course I love Valentine's Day.
Hearts, candy, flowers, chocolate, lace, cupids, doilies, pink, red, candy, chocolate, candy - I love all that.

This love of love-day goes back to childhood and the fact that my mother always made each and every holiday a major event.
The house would be decorated - red and pink cutout hearts clashed against the insane orange, yellow and avocado green tulip wallpaper in the kitchen. Cookies would be baked and brought to school shaped like hearts with hand-frosted sayings like, "URAQT" and "INVU."

My mom was crafty and clever and I would beam when she came into my class in the middle of the day with her homemade goodness.

Memories of Valentine's Day during the high school years are of course much more dra-ma-tic. This is me after all, and this is high school.

I had been keeping diaries and journals since I was eight.
99% of the entries from age twelve on up focus on one subject.


At the end of the high-school-day, I had to love somebody, anybody.
I had to be able to write their name in big, bubbly 80's handwriting in a heart at the bottom of every entry.

Let's give a proper shout out to all the boys I've loved before, taken from the bottoms of the pages of my teenage diaries - Julio Iglesias/Willie Nelson style.

My first real, official boyfriend Albert. Tampa, Florida,
I must have been 14 or so. He was 18 and from Cuba and had
the thickest, waviest black hair ever. He wore tight parachute pants. Whenever I hear "Feel For You" by Chaka Khan I think of Albert dancing outside at a party on a giant piece of cardboard.

Jason. He gave me the biggest damn balloon ever on
Valentine's Day. It exploded five minutes later on the popcorn-ceiling of our living room.

I loved Jason SO much I devoted an entire page of my diary to him.
Jason and I had a torrid extra-dramatic relationship - there were a lot of emergency breakthrough calls (remember those?)
I flushed his pot down my toilet when I was mad at him.
My dad told me that wasn't a very nice thing to do.

Steve worked at Oak Tree at Tampa Bay Mall and dated me after he broke up with my b/b/f Susanne. Steve was "a waver" with hair that swooped in front of one eye. He wore shiny black shoes and was always dressed way better than I was and I think his family was from France? He was a bad kisser with really good hair.

Whenever I hear the Hysteria album by Def Leppard,
I think of Larry.
Love bites.
I have no clue who Josh is and that doesn't surprise me,
seeing that my love for him was questionable.

Again, no idea who Jeff is/was.
Apparently he was cute.

I love Mike. And Depeche Mode.
And Magenta from Rocky Horror.
And smiley faces.

Kevin was on the football team.
On this day he looked at me in the hall,
so he gets his name inside a heart.

Thinking back...there was one boy in the mix who was always there for me.
Through everything - boyfriends, break ups, make ups and make outs.
 Witness to almost every diary entry ever written. Never judgey; a sweet boy.
Smartest/truest thing I ever wrote
in that pile of books.

Friday, February 8, 2013

Oil change.

So we all know my love of watching QVC ~ not necessarily buying anything but watching the hosts hawk Isaac Mizrahi swing coats, philosophy three-in-one bubble baths and Corky’s Beef Ribs.

Saturday nights on QVC are my favorite as they feature shows geared specifically towards beauty products.

Because on Saturday nights all us girls are sitting at home in our pajamas watching QVC with a credit card burning a hole in our giant pajama pockets.

Believe me when I say my heart races and I sweat a little bit watching the overdone hosts talk about how I can get that moisturizer for just pennies a day or that eyeliner delivered on a quarterly basis for such a low, low price. They're trying to save me money!

One item that caught my interest is by Josie Maran, she has a line out of Argan Oil products that people are currently flipping out about – and when I say “people” I am referring to the QVC hosts, enthusiastic viewers calling in with glowing testimonials, and sweet little Josie Maran herself.

Model? Actress? I don't know.
But I do know I want that $35 lip palette.

What the heck is Argan Oil?
Who the hell is Josie Maran?
I have no idea - but obviously this oil is life-changing and I gotta have it.

As an acne-survivor I worry that these products may cause me to break out or make my face look like an oil slick - because miraculous as this oil may be, the fact is I’ll still be rubbing oil on my face – which seems weird.

I mean, I don’t even like to eat fried chicken because I am fearful that I will touch the chicken, touch my face, and break out in cystic acne just like in high school.

Okay let’s get out of KFC and walk into Sephora where I just happened to be last week. They had just gotten in their newest, shiniest, bestest Beauty Insider gift yet, which just happened to be a little goodie box filled with big sample sizes of Josie Maran Argan Oil products!

So I blew 500 points in one wad and went for this product I’ve been wanting to try.
This was hard for me as I am a Sephora-points-hoarder, constantly denying the freebies that are offered to me with the thought that something bigger and better will come along.

But now…

I am an oil-on-my-face-convert! The Argan Cleansing Oil was the toughest one for me to bring myself to try but good Lord - it feels and smells SO GOOD. It kind of has that Aveda-like yumminess to it but not as much of an overwhelming/knock you out cold smell. And the Argan Oil itself feels amazing on my face and has also been awesome on my dry cuticles and flyaway hair.


I guess my face should have been getting an oil change right along with my Toyota Corolla because my skin has never felt so soft and looked so clear.

The little box of goodness also came with a full size tub of Josie’s Argan Lip Treatment (love it) and her Bear Naked Wipes (haven’t tried those yet because I am too into rubbing oil on my face.)

Reminds me of a snake-charmer basket.

So there it is.
No need to break down and do some pajama shoppin’ from QVC to try out this lovely line. Only needed to spend hundreds of dollars to rack up a shitload of Sephora points.