Friday, January 18, 2013

This chick loves her chiclets.

I love gum.
I’m kind of a gum-a-holic.

Like Violet in Willy Wonka and the Chocolate Factory, I chew gum all the time - except usually I don’t turn into a giant blueberry, fill with blueberry juice, and have to go and get drained by a bunch of Oompa-Loompas.

But other than that, I’m totally just like her.

Certain scents of gum, stickiness of gum and flavors of gum remind me of various times in my life. Like all throughout college when my parents would come visit they would bring me clean clothes and a pallet of Extra Spearmint Sugar-Free Gum (the neon green one) from Costco.

My grandma always chewed Freedent because it wouldn’t stick to her dentures. She would share a stick with me and I always enjoyed how truly slippery and un-sticky it was. I wondered why I only got half a stick - greedy grandma with her precious Freedent.

That lady sure is happy with her gum. She hates a dry mouth - who doesn't? And that guy sure likes to rub flower petals on her face, watching her as she chews her gum.

I would take my Freedent and get out of that garden quick if I were her.

There are certain brands that I loved as a kid - Freshen-Up, had that liquid goo center that exploded in my mouth. I used to take a Freshen-Up and throw a Velamint (remember Velamints?) on top of it for a gooey, crunchy, minty, disgusting gum cocktail.

If the Incredible Hulk chewed gum, he would chew this.
I adored Chiclets, with its old school candy shell, old-timey calligraphy and flavor that lasted five-seconds. I again relate Chiclets to my grandma, who always had Chiclets poorly “hidden” away so my brother and I wouldn’t eat them all in a drawer along with Fun-Size Milky Ways and butterscotch discs. I loved that drawer.

My brother Mike and I would play a game where we would take a box of Chiclets and throw the contents onto my grandma’s living room floor then we would race to see who could get the most - Grandma kept her living room immaculate and didn't really care for this game. Since I was four years older than Mike normally I enjoyed declaring myself THE WINNER. I happily sat drooling, with ten pieces of gum jammed in my mouth as Mike sat with his two.

"I'll take a box of Chiclets and ten-cents worth of shoe laces please."

I still buy Fruit Stripe and Juicy Fruit, which both remind me of Slush Puppies and flipping baseball cards with boys in the summertime.

And speaking of baseball cards, yes I was in the “big league” and loved to chomp an entire bag of Big League Chew. Because what little girl doesn’t love to have a big dip of sweet chewing tobacco in her chaw?

Today I continue to hold the title of biggest-bubble-blower in my family.
In my mind I am a world champ.

People tell me that I smell fruity and yummy. Thank you, Fruit Stripe horsey.

Lastly forgo the little trees - if you leave a pack of Fruit Stripe or Juicy Fruit in your car overnight, your car will smell AWESOME the next day.

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