Friday, November 30, 2012

You 'da bomb.

One of the greatest Christmas gifts I ever received, or ever will receive, is the same "greatest Christmas gift" memory as millions of others of you have.

I was nine years old...


Finally a system to replace Pong. I was getting carpal tunnel syndrome from furiously spinning that doorknob-sized control dial over and over again. It was time to graduate to a joystick.

Combat was the first game we had for the Atari, because, well, it came free with the system. I can still hear the “ch-ch-ch” sound of those square little tanks slowly crawling across the television screen. Space Invaders was next, which was a huge step up from Combat. But my game - the game I can say with full confidence that I truly mastered - was Kaboom.

The gist of Kaboom was this - you had to catch live bombs that a mad prisoner was dropping from above into three buckets of water to extinguish them. Maybe that prisoner spoke to my future taste in bad boys wearing stocking caps or my future personal venture into a life of crime, but whatever the draw was, I was really, really good at Kaboom.

In the nineties, whenever the annoying phrase “the bomb” started coming out of everyone’s mouths, my mind raced back to my little Kaboom prisoner dropping all those lit bombs into my water buckets.

Needless to say I was thinking about my Kaboom guy A LOT in the nineties. Too much.
I hadn’t thought about him in a while - until recently.

A few weeks ago my friend Laura shared her product-love of Boscia’s B.B.

Now I have been seeing and hearing about these “B.B.” beauty products everywhere, they are kind of like a cross between a tinted moisturizer and a foundation with some extra benefits. This one interested me particularly because it claimed to do a lot of stuff I like:

Reduce fine lines - sure.
Help prevent breakouts - yep.
Protect my face with SPF - what the hell, why not.
One shade fits all - sold.

I happily try Laura’s B.B. Now after hearing her say the name of the product over and over again, as I understand it the "B.B." stands for BEAUTY BOMB.


I buy a tube of my own bomb. Suddenly the prisoner is back in my head again on a loop.

When I go to Sephora to buy it I explain to the girl at the cash register my correlation between this product, the word bomb, and the Atari game Kaboom. She looks at me confused and hands me my card back. As I leave I realize she wasn’t even born when Atari existed and has no idea what I’m talking about.

I feel old, but happy with my purchase.

As I put on my makeup in the morning my thoughts again race back to Kaboom, to the water sloshing out of the three buckets, to the prisoner dropping the bombs faster and faster.

Bomb. Bomb. Bomb. This product is the bomb!

The coverage is great, thicker than a tinted moisturizer and a nice creamy change from my Bare Minerals foundation, which don’t get me wrong, I still love.

So I’m talking to Laura the other day and start raving about how much I love the bomb, and how the bomb is the bomb, and "don’t you remember Kaboom" when she says:

“It’s a BALM Lori, not a BOMB. A beauty balm. That is what the B.B. stands for. Balm.

You 'da balm.

No wonder I confused the Sephora girl so much.

Well – eff it – I’ll continue to call it my beauty bomb.
Because it is the bomb.
Of balms.

Halloween 1988.

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