Tuesday, October 23, 2012

You're givin' me (givin' me) nothin' but shattered dreams.

In the tenth grade we were given an assignment in English class to put together a book of poetry.

The poems could consist of either original work or favorite poems - by such brilliant authors as John Keats, Walt Whitman, or old Bill Shakespeare - all whom we had been studying in class.

Or apparently, it could also be this:

Oh my poor, poor English teacher Mr. Jakob. He must have gotten a migraine from all the eye rolling that went on when he got to my book of SHATTERED DREAMS.

Do you sense a theme?

See, my boyfriend, Albert, had just broken up with me for another woman, Angie. I was a little down in the dumps over the whole thing. 

Just a little.

Below, a few excerpts from this sad, lonely, assignment. Poetry, painstakingly typed out on a typewriter, corrected with bumpy Wite-Out, copied from the pages of what many poets consider to be their Bible, Teen Magazine.

What a nice, upbeat start to the whole project - doncha think? Oh Laura LeBlanc, it's like you know me, you know exactly how I am feeling! You spelled the word "maybe" wrong and I copied it exactly the same way so I spelled it wrong too! And Mr. Jakob didn't even catch it - YEAH!

Hey, another poem about living in the past, all right! Oh, "Teen Magazine Editor," it's like you know me! You know exactly how I am feeling!
Nice artwork, see how I clipped the couple in the I.O.U. brand sweatshirts in half?

Um...yeah...Donna Mullins,  it's like you know me - you know exactly how I am feel -
oh, fuck it.
I spelled the word "lonley" wrong and Mr. Jakob caught it and thought I was "TOO LITERAL" in my explanation of what this poem was about (you think?) And look at my corresponding artwork - that guy doesn't look like he's in high school. He's out having a good 'ol time on a Saturday night with a new girl.
Just like Albert - having a good 'ol time with Angie.
I am a bad person.

Klymaxx - 80's girl group with chart-busting hits such as...well...Klymaxx had this song. DEPRESSING.
I remember calling Q105 and making a "dedication" to Albert with this song, bawling on the air. Awesome, and totally not crazy. I like in the comments I state "I think this is a beautiful song about feelings" and Mr. Jakob tells me once again I am being TOO LITERAL. Shit. I hope I get a good grade. What the hell does literal mean? Anyway...I MISS ALBERT.

In case you are interested, I took the time to type out a bibliography, so you can go to your back issues of your Teen Magazine, oh hey, wait a minute, it basically looks like I copied everything from the poetry page from one issue of Teen Magazine, it's the January 1986 issue, page 48.

Damn, I was lazy. At least I shook things up a little with that Kymaxx song.

And now for the grading:

I got a "B"! Pretty good for copying some poems word for word out of a magazine, right??
And Mr. Jakob thought my illustrations were "very appropriate!" And my themes were "well interpreted!"

And he thought I had a nice touch at the end... 

 Angrily highlighted in hot pink.
Albert + Lori 4eva.

1986. I am an awesome poet.


  1. You're hilarious Lori. I love reading your stories. -Wanda

  2. OMG, I'm DYING!!!!!!!!! I remember Q105!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

  3. Too funny! (And way too familiar . . . )