All hail, indeed.
My mother’s Avon lady’s name was Judy and she had strawberry-blonde perfectly feathered hair and to this day, the shiniest lips I had ever seen on a person. In my eleven year old eyes she was probably the prettiest woman I had ever seen and on top of everything else she smelled like strawberries. It was probably that perfume pin that smelled so heavenly.
|I still lay in bed some nights and regret not |
choosing the Funburger. That's not weird, right?
My mom purchased many products from Judy - pretty powder blue eye shadows, matte coral nail polish and Skin So Soft lotion by the gallon. When I was good, like if I vacuumed the shag carpet in the living room, windexed the glass table, or scrubbed the sink with Ajax after dinner I would get to choose a treat from the little leaflet that came in the center of the grown-up-catalogue.
The center pull-out leaflet from the Avon catalogue contained highly coveted items. I knew I had to choose wisely to make the right decision. Many a sleepless night went by where I lay awake wishing I had chosen the funburger lip-gloss over the lip-gloss shaped like a milkshake.
Here are a few items that were total standouts and are forever burned into the tween-girl part of my brain:
Ice Cream Cone Lip Pomades.
Lip gloss? Kinda. Lip balm? Not really. Lip Pomade? YES.
When I chose this sweet smacker it was obviously all about the packaging. I loved a soft serve ice cream cones, I loved sickeningly sweet smelling things, and I loved pastel colors. Check, check, and check.
Al E. Gator Soap on a Rope.
What happened to soap on a rope? Back in the late 70’s stores could not keep those things in stock, especially around Mother’s/Father’s Day. What exactly was the point of the rope? How does it help you from losing the soap as you are washing yourself? I have no idea. What I do know is that I loved wrapping that scratchy rope around my wrist and looking down at that cute green alligator. Part of me hated to use him, it made me sad to see him dissolve after a few uses into nothingness, leaving just a limp, soggy rope behind. R.I.P. Al.
Pink and Pretty perfume.
Avon had several perfumes geared toward little girls but none with packaging as cool as this. A bottle shaped like a woman, but the woman had a cat head that vaguely resembled Hello Kitty. She wore a ruffly white blouse, a light blue twirling skirt, and held a restoration-style fan. No need to sample this scent, I was SOLD. Oh, and this cat had a name, ladies and gentlemen. That name was Felina Fluffles. No shit.
I cannot tell you for the life of me what that perfume smelled like - I’m sure it smelled like alcohol and was pretty bad. But I can totally envision Miss Felina Fluffles, plain as day, perched on my white dresser in my pink and white room.