Friday, May 18, 2012

Sit, stay.

As a little girl I never really wanted a dog, asked for a dog, or thought about a dog - so it was a complete surprise to me when one Saturday afternoon my parents brought me home - a dog.

"Muffin" (secretly I would have rather had baked goods) was a wild, high strung, pretty cocker spaniel with a laundry list of issues. She ate anything and everything including:

Food off the kitchen table/counter
My family took a million pictures when I was a kid.
This was the only one I could find of
Muffin from 1978, my brother Mike dragging her
while she ate a clothesline.
An exercise bike
My Barbies
Phone cords
My brothers He-Man toys

Yes, tires. How this dog didn’t die within a week of living with us I have no idea. Muffin also peed and pooped in every room in the house despite much poochy potty training. She was frantic and scared easily and would drag me down flights of stairs as I held onto her leash.

Thanks Mom and Dad.

She sure was a pretty dog, so she had that going for her. Honey golden coat, big, maudlin eyes, and ears that looked like she was fresh out of the beauty salon with a perfectly coiffed perm.

My mom decided that before we got rid of Muffin as a last resort she would try taking her to obedience school. She would take her in the evenings and on the weekends, trying to whip her into shape before my dad literally whipped her for pooping in the living room again.

Muffin barely passed the class - I remember nervously watching her during the test at the end when my mom told her to “sit” - she needed to stay seated for ten seconds - at eight she was up and chasing her tail. Everybody laughed, except my mom.

She got a big blue ribbon at the end of the class and I remember my mom let her eat it as a reward.

Two weeks later we gave Muffin away, to a group of nuns who lived in a convent. No joke. Lord knows they would have more patience with her than we did. I predicted many chewed up habits and crucifixes in their future as I stood on my front porch waving goodbye to the station wagon full of nuns driving away with my wild eyed pooch.

Benefit’s Stay Don’t Stray is a stay-put primer for concealers and eye shadows that Muffin could have taken a tip or two from.

Why? Because it knows how to STAY PUT.

I never thought I needed a primer for my concealer and shadow until I tried this for the first time. My eye shadow stayed so vibrant and pretty all day, there was a noticeable difference.

It comes in a neutral nude shade that flatters everyone and even helps fight signs of aging, which anyone’s peepers could surely use, right?

When I look at my bottle of Stay Don’t Stray on my vanity every morning I can’t help but think of Muffin, not staying but straying.

Poor Muffin.

On the other hand..poor nuns. I wonder how many Hail Mary’s and Our Father's were interrupted by her incessant barking.

I also wonder how many nuns were driven to drink large amounts of wine - to go along with their Muffin.

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