Friday, May 4, 2012

Bracelet breakout.

Hooray for a lifelong battle with weight – anybody with me?

Hip! Hip! Hips! (The PITS!)
Rah! Rah! Rah! (Feel BLAH!)
Sass! Sass! Sass! (BIG ASS!)

On days when I am feeling bloated, plump, or not-so-attractive common sense would tell me to do something obvious - like wear black, forgo horizontal stripes, or just shut up and put on some damn Spanx.

But some days my common sense chip gets turned off, and this is how my mind operates.

DISCLAIMER: this has nothing to do with reality; this is just what goes on inside of my head. Get ready - it’s weird.

Quick and easy ways to look skinny:
Again - this is not reality - please see disclaimer above.

Carry a large purse – this will play tricks with people’s minds. Big purse? Small woman. I am a master of illusion.

Don’t wear flat shoes – duh, put on some heels. My legs are now longer, therefore, I am thinner.

Looking slim & trim with my boyfriend,
er, brother, Mike.
Don’t wear a bracelet – OK, this one is even confusing to me, and it is my mind that tells me NOT to do this. Don’t ask me why, but on some days a bracelet can make me look really, really, really fat. A bracelet has that power. Lord.

Have big hair – The eighties served me well, my big hair has always balanced me out. Big on the top = small on the bottom. Naturally.

Don’t have a pimple – Having a pimple and feeling fat go hand in hand for me. This one I have no control over. Well, maybe I do – I probably got the pimple by stressing out over how fat the bracelet made me look. Stupid bracelet.


Hey, while we're at it, let’s also hear it for a lifelong battle with acne - Zit! Zit! Zit! Ahhh...screw it.

As an adult I keep thinking maybe I can close this chapter of my book but alas, every couple of months I get a pimple that I think is the mother-of-all-pimples. Until the next one comes along...

A few weeks ago one appeared overnight on my chin, as if by magic.
Black magic.

I went to the drug store and was on the hunt for something that would get rid of this monster ASAP.

As I perused the packaging of all of my options I landed on one of my favorite brands, Neutrogena. The name of the product included everything that I wanted - Rapid Clear Acne Eliminating Spot Gel – the package said it “visibly reduces breakouts in eight hours.” Eight hours? That sounded pretty damn good.

I got home and washed off the mountain of makeup that I had caked on and put on a dab of the gel on the spot. I then counted forward in my head eight hours.

Fast forward eight hours and I still had a pimple, but a little less angry of a pimple. And with continued use that nasty zit was gone within a couple of days. Even though it contains salicylic acid it wasn’t too drying, like other acne products have proven to be.

This stuff is good, it works and the price is reasonable.

Unlike that voice in my head that tells me not to wear the bracelet.

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