Yesterday I was changing into a big gray purse and I noticed a bound notebook in the bottom of it. I was about to hand it over to my three year old Sam to use as a coloring book when I started leafing through it. Inside the notebook were thoughts I had written down, from when Sam was three months old. I started reading it and a million memories came rushing back. Here is an excerpt from the day before I was to return to work.
I was going from being a stay at home mom back to the 8-5 Monday through Friday grind. I so vividly remember this day as it is described below:
I spent my “last day” with Sam doing mundane things. I wanted to make sure I had great pictures of him for my desk at work so I went to Cost Co to get some developed. Then I went to Michaels Craft and Floral to buy new frames for the new pictures of my new baby. This was all very important and had to be done today.
Then I got the oil changed in my car, for free! I had a coupon.
While we waited for the car to be done I walked Sam over to the Safeway and picked up a few things. Bananas for work tomorrow and two scratch-it tickets. I LOVE scratch-it tickets, today I won six bucks, a pretty good haul. It was difficult for me not to trade my winnings in for six more scratch its but I figured I could treat myself to a foofy coffee drink in the morning.
We sat in the little café at Safeway and I scratched my scratch-its. I fed Sam and watched a guy in an orange construction vest sit down and eat an entire rotisserie chicken from the deli with a plastic knife and fork.
I started to feel guilty, thinking this was the way I had chosen to spend my monumental “last day” with Sam. Then I looked down into his blue-gray eyes as he chugged from his bottle and I knew it didn’t matter where we were. And I am not kidding when I tell you that “We Belong” by Pat Benatar came over the sound system and I began to get a little teary at the Safeway deli. The man had his chicken and I had my Sam and tomorrow it all was going to change.
I wish I could stay home with my boys, raise them up well, pack their lunches, drive them all over tarnation, and wipe their butts. That is definitely what I want to do with my life.
I am actually kind of looking forward to putting on some make up and a nice blouse tomorrow and talking to some other adults.
For the working mom’s out there – did you have a Safeway deli moment?
I am so glad I found this record of what happened on that day - just another day, but not, for me and my boy.
|Whatever we deny or embrace for worse or for better |
Weeeee belong, we belong, we belong together.