Friday, August 12, 2011

Words not to use when we play scrabble.

Everybody has a word that makes their skin crawl, right?

I’m lucky - I don’t have one - I have two.

Now I have had an intense hatred for these words since, well, forever.

Upon hearing them, I physically twitch. And now I am telling you all what those two words are, which is pretty dumb. But it’s also, therapeutic, and I love you. So here we go:

Word #1: MOIST.
I can at least trace back to where my hatred of this word began. My grandmother didn’t like the word moist - she didn’t say it. When she needed to convey that she thought something was moist, Grandma made up her own word – merst. She wasn’t going to let the fact that she didn’t like the word stop her from saying the word. “Try this cake Lori, it’s so merst” or “The meatballs weren’t dry like last time Ricky, they were merst.” Things could also be “merster” or “merstest” in Grandma’s book. I grew up saying things were merst and I still say things are merst today. It ‘s nearly impossible for me to say the word moist, my mouth just doesn’t like that giant “OI” in the middle. Trying to convey something is moist when around people I don’t know very well is always fun, as clumsy sayings like, “This banana bread is so not so dry” or “it’s almost wet” come out of my mouth, which makes me sound super smart. Thanks Grandma!

Word #2: PANTIES.
Why does the word panties exist? My beef with panties (heh, heh) was always that it was just a stupid replacement word for underwear. You want a cute word for underwear? I got one. Undies. Panties always felt silly, like something a ten year old girl could say but a grown woman shouldn’t. Victoria’s Secret loves to give me a free pair of panties on my birthday and you know I’m not gonna turn that down. But I’m not going to go in and ask the saleslady where the panties are either, I’ll just grab my sexy free undies and go. And no, I don’t need five for $25, I just came in for the free ones, okay? Leave me alone, it’s my birthday.

Word(s) #3: MOIST PANTIES.
Hooray! The two words I despise so much go together so well! Anytime someone wants to torture me, this phrase comes out of their mouths. I am not kidding you when I tell you one time upon hearing it over and over from a not-so-nice person it brought me to tears. (I think I had a lot to drink and was a little out of my mind at the time, but it did happen.)

What are your words? I’d love to know. And don’t follow me around saying moist panties. It’s so not funny.

Merst Undies.


  1. I don’t like the word fart, it sounds so low brow. I can tolerate the expression “old fart”, but I certainly don’t like it used for passing gas. What else can we call it, toot? We said that as kids, now it’s too goofy, there has to be a happy medium. I also can’t stand the word Dump, I don’t care if you are taking one (Ugh-super low brow) or taking something to that place, no sir I don’t like it. The leader at my weight watchers meeting loved to talk about how much she loved the Dump cake, gawd, dump cake dump cake dump cake, every meeting. Hearing it makes me want to barf.

    p.s. I remember when I first stated TNT, someone gave you wet undies in a baggie, so I always remember your words 

  2. My best friend and I had a phrase we made up as kids that combined the words that we both hated: "Take a CHUNK of RAW FLESH and put it in a BAGGIE, with some WHUPPED CREAM on top, and don't BICKER about your share." :-) I also hated 'slacks' with a passion, and have grown to hate 'top' (for shirt) too. Really? It goes on the top? Glad that's called out because I wouldn't have known... :-)

  3. "casual", as in "a casual restaurant" or "casual entertaining"...something about it irks me every time I read it. To me it seems to imply that there's an intentional style going on, which seems contradictory to the idea of "casual" in the first place...I know I'm thinking too much...