Wednesday, July 13, 2011

What a goober.

One summer when I was little I attended a day camp. Day camp was awesome. It was held at the middle school up the street and was run by cool, older kids. And I got to go home at the end of the day, which I liked - I wasn’t quite old enough for that Meatballs experience just yet. Here are a few things I remember about camp:

• Doing crafts - making an elephant costume with a burlap sack and a paper towel tube.

• "Movie night" under the stars with all of my camp buddies. They showed a horror movie that to this day I cannot get out of my head. A scene involving an old woman lying dead in a bathtub is burned into my memory forever. If I ever see that movie again, I will be both nostalgic and horrified.

• Goober Grape.

I had never experienced peanut butter and jelly coming together in this new and exciting way before. At our house they were simply neighbors who had their own separate apartments, but now they had shacked up together. It made sense - I mean they were together all the time anyway.

For those who haven’t had the pleasure of meeting and knowing Goober Grape, it is peanut butter and jelly together in the same jar. Vertical stripes of cascading brown and purple ribbons, how convenient! Because it's so exhausting to take two jars out of the cupboard, isn’t it?

At camp we would get two slices of bread along with an individualized container of Goober Grape to make our sandwiches ourselves. Not only was the new product exciting, but so was the fact that I got to spread it on my bread myself, without my mom’s help.

I tried a product recently and I have to be honest, when I saw the ads for it, the first thing I thought of was Goober Grape.

L’Oreal Studio Secrets Professional The One Sweep Eye Shadow intrigued me. It is three separate stripes of color along with a ridiculously large sized applicator. The idea is that you sweep the giant pad across the three lines of color and then your transfer the stripes onto your lid, with each color falling right where it is supposed to. I purchased a palette called Natural Brown Eyes, ‘cause that’s what I've got.

The ads say it is meant to give you “a complete eye look in one easy sweep.” This statement is true, if the look you are going for is a muddy mess.

Newsflash for L'Oreal: women are all different. We do not all have the same cookie cutter eyelid shape and size so this just doesn’t work. At all. The stripes all ended up on my lid, but nothing was where it was supposed to be. All of the colors were too low on my lid and the final result was all smeared and messy looking, like maybe I got into a brawl.

And that jumbo sized applicator gave me the creeps. It reminded me of when you go to the gynecologist and they have that giant Q-tip laid out, and you envision yourself using it to clean your ears and thinking of that image of you, and the giant Q-tip, you kind of smile, but then you stop smiling because you know that is not what they are going to
                                        really use it for.

Now I am stuck with three stripes of shadow that I need to take my own little brush to so I can get my nine bucks worth out of it.

Lesson learned - don’t let a childhood memory of a sandwich you ate at camp lead you to buy a new eye shadow that you know probably won’t work. In other words, trust your gut. Even if your gut is full of stripy peanut butter and grape jelly.

1 comment:

  1. You are so getting a Pulitzer for your writing!