Thursday, April 21, 2011

Eat me.

How much lipstick does the average woman consume throughout the course of her life?

OVER SIX POUNDS.

No wonder I can’t button my jeans anymore, it must be all that lipstick…

I figure I have been eating lip gloss and lipstick since 1975 or so, starting with Bonne Bell’s Dr. Pepper Lip Smackers. Remember those gi-normous, thick, dark-maroon colored tubes? I ate those for dinner! Followed by my Maybelline Kissing Potion for dessert. Those rollerball glosses were the consistency of water, I loved them in strawberry and watermelon.

A few years ago Jessica Simpson came out with her “Dessert” line, and boy, was I hungry for that. She made a sweet body butter that smelled and tasted like rich, butter cream frosting. Call me cupcake, I was all in. There were delicious lip glosses, perfumes (“Taste Kissable Perfume” – yes, perfume that you could eat) and some sort of sprinkles you could pour on yourself. (Do I eat it, or does someone else? I was confused.) The line lasted a few years, went from department stores to Walgreens, and now from what I can tell, Dessert is defunct.

Urban Decay also tried to spice things up with their Sparkling Lickable Body Powder in Cocoa, Honey and Marshmallow scents. I received the Cocoa one as a Christmas gift and knew deep down I should exchange it for Honey, but I decided to give something different a go. It came with a big purple puff that I used to slather myself in a shimmery chocolate dust. It totally made me nauseous. It took me back to this specific memory I have of getting a soft serve chocolate ice cream cone as a kid after a swim lesson, and eating it the backseat of my parents’ car. We stopped to get gas, and the smell of the gas mixed with the chocolate mixed with the swimming, well you get the idea. That is the same feeling the chocolate-sexy-dust gave me, which was not conducive to a romantic evening. At all. This product is also now discontinued.

Today, I think I can just taste like me and that is okay. I don’t need sprinkles - although if I did have sprinkles, they would be the rainbow kind, because the rainbow ones are so much better than the chocolate ones.

I’m sure that memory of throwing up my chocolate ice cream cone is why I have such an alliance with vanilla over chocolate. And I still can’t stand the smell of gasoline when I have to fill up my tank.


yummy.


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