Wednesday, March 2, 2016

Pretty in Pink - 30th Anniversary Screening

This year for Valentine’s Day, my husband got me the most romantic gift in the world:

In honor of Pretty in Pink's 30th (gulp) anniversary the movie was showing in all its glory across the country on the big screen once more.

So here’s the deal … even though I've seen Pretty in Pink 900 times, seeing it on the big screen again I was able to catch a few things I had either forgotten or just not noticed before. Like:

Opening Credits.
Let’s start off by saying I could still watch Andie get ready for school all day. Or maybe forever. And so what if watching her choose earrings while Psychedelic Furs blares in the background made me cry. Don’t judge me.

Stunt Duckie.
Heartbroken following Andie’s date with Blane, the Duck Man takes out his frustration by angrily riding his bike around Chinatown. I laughed out loud for the first time in the theatre noticing this obvious stunt Duckie, showing off his mad skills popping wheelies, spinning the front tire around and his grand finale of standing on the bike seat. All while not trying at all to hide the fact that he is in no way Jon Cryer.

Dancing Guy.
I totally remembered the dancing guy in the prom scene but seeing the dancing guy in the bottom left corner on the big screen was a treat. Dancing guy!

James Spader is the most beautiful high-school-man in the world.

I am Iona.
When Andie and Iona are sweetly slow dancing Andie tells Iona, “You're gonna OD on nostalgia.” Ummm, that's me. Right now. In my life. It made me want to make my hair gigantic, put on some acid was jeans and slow dance with a young lady friend to "Love Bites."

So yes, my itch was scratched and I laughed and cried. I could go on and on...when Duckie went into the Tenderness routine I was convulsing in my seat trying to hold in a full body ugly cry meltdown.

See, I told you, now I’m Iona -- not pearls and a blazer going on a date with the pet shop guy Iona.
Can't I stay "Cherish" beehive Iona a little longer?

I’m the older one. I'm OD-ing on remembering what I felt when I experienced this glory for the first time. 

And that's okay. Beehive Iona feels like a good place to be.

Tuesday, January 26, 2016

Shea, shea, shea what you want.

Like most 20-somethings in the 1990s, I was very busy going to Blind Melon concerts, eating boxes of Teddy Grahams and watching Beavis and Butt-Head on a loop.

I was also very busy wearing essential oils from The Body Shop.

The Body Shop is where my quest to always smell like baked goods began; my friend Molly and I would go there and buy little, round glass bottles of vanilla oil, which they've since discontinued.

Now I've seen a lot of products come and go but I have to say, I've never been so torn up over a loss like this. 

I tried to be cool like other girls when I replaced my signature vanilla with their "White Musk" oil, but it wasn't for me. And "musk" is such a gross word. Musk. Eeew.

I've since moved on to other vanillas, but you never forget your first. That black cap, that glass bottle, that scent that made everyone ask me WHAT IS THAT OH MY GOD YOU SMELL SO GOOD.

Why would you discontinue something that does that to people?

Since there was no more of my precious hippie oil left at The Body Shop I didn't really think there was a reason for me to ever go back in there. But recently, I tried this.

I'm nuts about this shea body butter, shower cream and scrub. Around this time of year my skin gets really dry and this line is pretty hydrating. And delicious.

The shower cream is milky, the scrub is all sugary and the body butter (my favorite) is all, well, buttery.

It's thick and creamy and soaks right into my skin, leaving a light, nutty scent. 

Which would pair really well with that amazing vanilla oil I used to wear...seriously if anyone out there has a lead on getting some of that stuff my way I would love to talk to you. 

In the meantime, I still keep this empty little bottle -- the one with the black cap that still has a faint whiff of my 20-something self left in it.


Friday, October 23, 2015

Sexyween IV

When you think about October, the following things probably come to mind:
  • Crunchy red, yellow and purple leaves underfoot.
  • Warm, autumnal themed coffee beverages. 
  • Pumpkins, candy corn, scary movies, candy corn, chocolate, corn mazes, more candy corn.
  • A grown woman dressed like a bottle of Heinz Yellow Mustard.

Right? It's finally that time of the year! It's Halloween! 

Now I'm not going to talk to you about silly costumes this year like the "Sexy Pizza Rat" costume 
or the Sexy "What Color is the Dress?" costume.

No. Like I said, those are silly. 
I am going to talk to you about real costumes. Serious costumes. Like...

"Michael Jackson"
It's bad. It's bad. You know it. 

Look at this total nerd! She is so nerdy with her glasses and her knee socks! 
She even has tape on her glasses because nerds are always 
breaking their glasses straight down the middle like that. 
Ha ha! Stupid nerd!

"Hot Dog"
What? Stop yelling you guys! It's me! Lori! I'm a hot dog! 
You probably don't recognize me because I'm dressed like a hot dog in this hot dog costume!

Yee-haw? This is just confusing. 
Who's hands are those? Is she half cowgirl half Barbra Streisand in 
The Owl and the Pussycat? Does anyone else get that reference?
Is a man who is invisible except for his hands getting frisky with her? What is happening?

Sometimes, you just need a good nurse. 
A good, nice nurse.
A good, nice, bloody nurse from the MENTAL WARD.

She is a barista babe who works at a coffee chain 
that shall remain nameless that is not Starbucks. 

"Hulk Hogan"
I have nothing further to say about this.

Look at this filthy pirate. 
She probably has scurvy from not eating her vegetables.

This Gumby costume is just like the real Gumby
 complete with headband that makes half a Gumby come out of your head, 
a Gumby face on a small, green dress 
and white opera gloves/thigh high stockings.
She's Gumby, dammit!

"Bottle of Wine"
I am wine because it says I am wine on my costume. 
I am from "Le Vineyard" which is French for "The Vineyard."
Also, there are grapes pointing to my vagina because it's Halloween.

Wear teeny-tiny underpants to the party, you will.

"Donna T. Rumpshaker"
 As the hat says on this clever costume, you can "Make America Great" in this 
white sleeveless shirt, red tie and royal blue booty shorts.

However and whatever you decide to do this year for Halloween, please keep it sexy people.

And if you want to keep it super-sexy, why not pair up with a buddy? Your friend can be "Hot Fries" or this years "Hot Dog" (like me! Pictured in the above photo! With the double ear infection! I'm feeling better now, thanks!) 
You know what to do. 

She is a hamburger. What do you want from her.
Happy Halloween 

Friday, September 4, 2015

Gonna fly now.

Last weekend there was a Rocky movie marathon on the MGM Channel -- ALL OF THE ROCKY MOVIES were on. 

So, as always, I settled in and made myself comfortable on the couch for several hours of Sylvester Stallone saying “absolutely” that way that he does that I really like.

There are several reasons I love all of the Rocky movies, too many to name. And none of them involve a robot. Here’s a few.

They make me all nostalgic.
Strong memories of sitting with my brother and my grandma in her den, watching the first two Rocky movies on her HBO. In my mind these two films are both masterpieces that make me kiss my fingertips and blow a kiss like a chef presenting you with a perfect meal. Or two perfect meals. Also memories of Grandma reminding us over and over that Sylvester Stallone is Italian. And talented. And very handsome. And Italian.

The best underdog story.
I mean come on, it just doesn’t get any better. And please don’t compare it to Hoosiers. Or Rudy. And especially Forrest Gump.

One of the best supporting characters ever -- I love Burt Young as Adrian’s loyal, drunken, messed up brother Paulie. Paulie drinks a lot, yells a lot, throws things a lot, ruins Christmas, and pretty much puts his sister in a coma for much of Rocky II. Sloppy hat. Disheveled tie. Cigar. I am still waiting for the spinoff movie/TV series/passion play “Paulie” and I refuse to believe I’m the only one asking for it.

They make me cry every time.
Every time. From Rocky to Rocky V. If he yells "ADRIAN" or she’s sitting on the couch saying to the television “I love you” over and over or he invites the tiger at the zoo to their wedding after proposing to her, or Apollo dies or especially, when Mickey dies...I will cry.
Training montages. Boxing montages. Driving around in cars while remembering everything that happened in the last few movies montages. And shopping montages where in a matter of hours Rocky buys a house, several gold watches, a new coat for Adrian and this tiger jacket that I still want to own.

Clubber Lang.
Who is this angry? Like, just in general? What happened in Clubber’s life that he needs to yell, snarl and growl at you when words fail him? Mr. T is at his T-ist, fueled on feather earrings, a mohawk and pure rage.

Mr. & Mrs. Ivan Drago.
I like how all of these scientists have spent all of their precious time and money hooking Drago  up to space age/high tech machinery and are measuring his every breath, punch, move and bead of sweat like the world is depending on it. I also love Mrs. Drago’s ‘80s power suits, haircut, shiny lip gloss and ability to begin every sentence she speaks with the words “My husband…"

The music.
Rocky's ThemeBurning HeartEye of the Tiger -- which must be repeated by Apollo Creed thousands of times before the end of Rocky IIIGonna Fly Now coming in and swelling at just the right moment. Sigh. So good.

Oh yeah, boxing.
Finally a sport that I feel drawn to, because, Rocky. 

Friday, June 19, 2015

Like an urban cowboy.

I’m pretty open to trying new things. 

But there is a short list of things that you cannot convince me to like; no matter much you like them or how great you tell me they are. 


Deer. Quail. Or elk. Any meat you describe to me as "gamey."

Yoga. Holy moly. I'm bored.

Honeydew. When is it ever ripe? Never? I think never.

Harry Potter. I don't like it! It's ok!

Country music. This one is not negotiable because it makes me break out in a mental rash; it always has. And don't try and sell me with the business about how today country music has crossed over and is now at the top of the Billboard charts.

I just don't like it. I don't like cowboy boots or cowboy hats. I don't like cowboys.
Except for one:

John Travolta in Urban Cowboy is the only cowboy on my list of cowboys that I like.
I will always stop on and watch it I’m flipping around and land on it. If you don’t know this classic film from 1980 I have to wonder what you were doing in the early '80s when it was in the theatres or later running on a loop on HBO. Maybe you were working. Or playing outside or some nonsense like that. But you should have been watching Urban Cowboy.

Coming off of a hot streak of Grease and Saturday Night Fever (both of which I will also watch in their entirety anytime day or night) Mr. Travolta tried his hand at the country western thing. And in my book, he succeeded. Greatly.

Because if I am going to be interested in a cowboy it’s going to be an Italian one from New York with really good hair who always wins the big trophy in any organized dance contest.
Urban Cowboy tells the story of Bud (Travolta) a cowboy who learns many lessons about life, love and mechanical bull riding.

Beside the obvious (young, hot early ‘80s Travolta) here are several other reasons why I love this movie.

Sissy is tough, sexy, doesn't take any crap. She wins the contest for sexiest mechanical bull ride ever. I love the way she can make the name "Bud" five syllables long. Also I love her constantly asking Bud, "You a real cowboy, ain't ya?" I love Sissy.

The bar where the mechanical bull lives. Someday I will go there and swig Bud Light while screaming really loud for someone to play "The Devil Went Down to Georgia" ONE MORE TIME!

"I done told you once you son of a bitch I'm the best there's ever been..." 
Count this as one country song I enjoy.
The sweetest uncle who ever died in an explosion at a refinery.

Every movie has to have a bad guy right? Wes is real bad. He's out on parole. He drinks too much, fights too much and knocks Sissy around. He has a bad attitude and complexion to match and in one scene he wears a MESH SHIRT. Which isn't bad at all. It is awesome.
Because nobody says "fine, forget it" like Bud and Sissy.

OK. So maybe I don't hate everything about country stuff. 

I would like to go to Gilley's. I'd totally do an overnighter in Bud and Sissy's mobile home. That "Lookin' for Love" song gets me a little nostalgic and misty so hey, I guess I like two country songs. I'd ride in a truck and be all excited that there was a tiny license plate with my name on it in the back window that a guy bought to show things were getting serious between us. 

And I'd argue really loud in a parking lot with young cowboy-Travolta and and wrestle him down to the ground in a giant mud puddle. That's what country people do, right?

And I would kinda like to try riding that bull.

Bud and Sissy forever.

Friday, May 29, 2015

Dove love.

I was so excited to try the new Quench Absolute Collection -- Dove's new line 
geared just toward us curly haired girls

I'm a huge fan of Dove, their powerful campaign for real beauty ads celebrate real women. And their White Beauty Bar is the only soap I'll ever use.

Having dry, frizzy, coarse curls, especially this time of year (IT'S HUMID) it seemed like a good time to try something new.

To be honest, sometimes I think it's impossible for me to find a decent hair care line that actually works for me that's priced under $900. 

Seriously. Why is it hard for me to find something that I can wash my hair with from the drugstore? 

Well guess what? This stuff is good. 

And it's not expensive. And unlike 90% of everything else out there, it's made for ME. And you. If you have curly hair. If you don't you have lots of other choices you lucky duck. 

The star of the show is this shampoo because here's the deal; I know I'm supposed to like the no-lather, cleansing conditioner, no-poo thing that's happening right now but you guys...

I need my poo. I mean my lather. I mean I like shampoo with bubbles.
This shampoo is super rich and luxurious. It smells good. And it has bubbles.

The conditioner is great too, but what I really love this rich, creamy Intensive Restoration Mask. Can I use the word luxurious again? Because it is. LUXURY!

the restoration mask -- like a tub of custard.
For the grand finale I used a little of the Supreme Creme Serum as a leave in conditioner.

The result? My curls are soft. I can (sort of) run my fingers through them. And they are more "boing-y" (perfectly formed, coiled, springy, bouncy) than usual. Which is a good thing.

The shampoo/conditioner is $4.99 and the serum/mask are $5.99. Now I'm no good at math, but add those up and it's a lot less than $900. 

So curly haired girls, give your hair a drink. Make your curls less frizzy and More soft. More bouncy. More boing-y.

Friday, May 8, 2015

The motherload.

With Mother's Day upon us this weekend I've been thinking a lot about the women who raised me -- which was no small feat.

These are three strong, amazing beauties.
This was my Grandma Ewart, my mom's mom. 
Her name was Emma but she apparently didn't like that name.
She changed it to Emily and went by Lee. These things that make me think of her:

  • Cream of Wheat with globs of real butter and heaps of brown sugar.
  • Baking. Christmas cookies. Those peanut butter cookwith the Hershey's Kiss pressed in the middle. Any kind of homemade cookie.
  • Day-after-Thanksgiving sandwiches on homemade rolls with mayo and cranberry which were better than dinner the night before.
  • Camping in the Catskills. I only camped with Grandma and Grandpa Ewart in a camper where you slept in the part over the drivers seat. 

My dads mom, Ella. We spent every Sunday at her house. 
I think of Grandma when I:

  • Hear about or see photos of an old Woolworth's five-and-ten store.
  • Frank Sinatra. She still loves him, sings along with him, and refers to him as "her boyfriend."
  • Card games -- bridge and solitaire. She's 94 and still plays them.
  • The song "Stormy Weather." Belted out at any party, wedding, holiday or opportunity where a microphone was available.


This is my mom. 
She made me who I am today. I'm very lucky. 
Growing up I remember my mom:

  • Had the Time Magazine cover with John Travolta in Saturday Night Fever on it hanging in her closet.
  • Made every holiday extremely special, especially my birthday.
  • Was home waiting for me when I came home from school.
  • When I was sick and had to stay home she would make me soup and bring it up to me in bed on a little tray. She would also roll in a small, black and white TV so I could watch The Rockford Files while I ate lunch. 
  • Took me to see the "PG" version of Saturday Night Fever in the movie theatre even though my dad was against it. Empathized with me when I didn't get into the million things I tried out for. Made fancy dinners like tomato noodle dandy and beef stroganoff. Drove me everywhere. Doll cakes. Bought me that ESPRIT sailor dress she knew I really wanted. Banana bread. Always cheered for me and was there for me when others weren't. Made our house feel like home to all of my friends. 

I'm lucky that today Mom lives just a few blocks away. Today she loaned me her car because mine is in the shop and we may go for a walk after dinner tonight. 

Grandma Ewart passed away a few years ago, she was able to meet my first born and I was happy to go back for one last Thanksgiving sandwich with her.  

I miss my grandma Ella back in New York. We talk on the phone and she's still sharp as a tack. She likes to try and argue with me about politics. She still calls me "baby." She would sing "Stormy Weather" over the phone anytime if I asked her to. 

I can only hope to be half as smart, helpful, kind, funny and nurturing with my boys as these women were with me.